Dear Trevor

I understood last night that some clever people turned off the water. I would expect them to be fined for doing so without instruction, but I think they should send their bill for their time and services to parliament, which is, after all, owned by and exists solely for the public. I think they should send a letter with the bill, something like this:

“Dear Trevor
We are writing to you in this matter because we heard a rumour that the sprinklers being on in parliament gardens happened on your instruction. As concerned members of the public we have turned them off so that our publicly owned property does not get damaged.

We found it impossible to believe the rumour that you turned on the sprinklers deliberately because there’s a water shortage affecting the area and sprinklers are one of the first things to be unable to be used in drought conditions, so it would be totally illogical for this instruction to have been deliberate. We therefore knew it must be fake news.

It was far more likely to have been accidental, especially in view of the fact that it had already started raining that afternoon, so we knew the use of paid water resources was totally wasteful and unnecessary.

We the people saw the need to look after our property responsibly, but no matter what we tried we could not get hold of anyone to speak with amongst our representatives in parliament. So after trying everything we could to speak to someone who represents us, we have taken the matter into our own hands and represented ourselves and repaired the plumbing problem because it was late on a Friday afternoon, after hours, and we are confident that the amount of water that would have been used through the sprinklers for the two and a half days before anyone came to work on Monday would have constituted a disastrous loss of precious resources in drought conditions. The rain is a blessing, but not sufficient to break the drought, and we are responsible people who saw the hazard and eliminated it promptly before it could become a disaster.

We enclose our invoice for our services and time. When you receive this we are sure your gratitude for our services will prompt you to try to locate us so you can express your thanks. We are from all parts of New Zealand, so public announcements will be the most efficient method to reach us all, however a representative group are waiting to speak with you outside parliament. We are fairly unmissable. We look forward to seeing you there very soon.

Yours sincerely
The people of New Zealand”

Written by a friend; Kylie Burling.

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